DUKE OF WELLINGTON, BUGLE ST, SOUTHAMPTON SO14 2AH | OPEN DAILY FROM 11AM
Santa
Santa squeezed down the chimney with cookies on his mind,
But tripped on a roller skate—those kids are so unkind!
He landed in the fireplace, all covered up in ash,
Then sneezed so loud the stockings fell—oh what a festive crash!
He found the snacks and ate them all (the dog got just one bite),
Then burped so loud it shook the tree and gave the elf a fright.
He vanished up the chimney fast, his belly like a drum—
Next time he’s bringing DoorDash. That chimney's dumb.
Mrs Clause
Mrs. Claus was in the kitchen, baking up a storm,
With cookies, pies, and cocoa that were perfectly warm.
She stirred with such precision, her apron dusted white,
While humming tunes of jingle bells deep into the night.
But don’t be fooled by sugar—she’s the North Pole’s CEO,
She runs the whole operation while Santa steals the show.
She checks the lists twice, then fixes the sleigh,
And still finds time for yoga at the end of every day!
Kevin McCallister
Kevin was left at home, and he couldn’t believe his luck—
No parents, rules, or Brussels sprouts—just cheese pizza and a truck.
He sledded down the staircase, screamed into the air,
Then booby-trapped the whole darn house with marbles, fire, and flair.
The Wet Bandits came sneaking, but Kevin was prepared,
With paint cans, feathers, and a blowtorch (he wasn’t even scared).
He sent them running, screaming, slipping on the floor—
Just your average 8-year-old... waging psychological war.
Rudolph
Rudolph had a shiny nose—it glowed just like a lamp,
So bright he lit the reindeer barn and shorted out the amp.
The others used to tease him, called him names like “Flashlight Face,”
Until he hacked the sleigh’s GPS and won the reindeer race.
Now he’s Santa’s GPS, with Wi-Fi in his horn,
He livestreams all their travels every Christmas morn.
But don’t ask for his autograph—he’s got that reindeer pride,
And charges fifteen bucks a pic (with filter, sleigh, and ride).
Elf On The Shelf
Elf on the Shelf just sits and stares with that suspicious grin,
But every night he sneaks around and gets into some sin.
He toilet-papered the Christmas tree, then zip-lined down the stairs,
Last week he rode the family dog and ate the baby’s pears.
He tattles to old Santa, but he's hardly squeaky clean—
He hot-glued Dad’s left slipper to the TV screen.
So if you see him moving, pretend you didn’t see,
That mischievous little tattletale’s got dirt on you and me!
